Thursday, August 18, 2005

people, please

I can't understand how people manage to go through life never learning how to use a public restroom. For those who are unsure, let me offer some tips.
1. Even if you are going to squat, please cover seat with some sort of wax paper device or basic toilet paper. That way when you sprinkle piss on the seat, you actually clean it up instead of leaving it for the next gal.
2. Please FLUSH the toilet when you are done evacuating. This can be done by pressing the pretty silver handle located on the tank. If you cannot locate this handle, please kill yourself now, you obviously will cause more harm than good to others. If you don't want to touch the handle to flush the toilet, may I recommend using a bit of t.p. to grasp handle. I prefer to kick it if possible. Makes me feel like a bad ass. I cannot imagine why people do not flush. It boggles the mind.
3. If you are so kind as to wash your hands after using the toilet, please remember to SHUT OFF THE WATER! I cannot believe the f-ing idiots who do not want to touch the faucet again, so they would prefer to waste water by the gallons instead. These woman, usually known by their designer bags and stinky perfume, should be tackled and made to wear Walmart brands.
4. The courtesy flush. This is a biggie. If you are going to take a monstrous dumpie, please flush as soon as crap hits water. For this is the only way to save others from having to breathe in your caviar, fried food ass. This is a real help to others, so please, please do this! It may take a few flushes, but it will be worth it. Once again, if you don't want to touch the handle, grab a little t.p. first. If you cannot find the handle, be prepared for me to stomp your stinky ass when you are done. I will use the plunger on your face!
This concludes our lesson.

1 Opinions

Blogger brianna said...

amen sista! well said.

5:33 PM  

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