Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Hamster or sister?

After extensive research on the topic, I must conclude that my sister is a hamster. Well, part hamster at least. I have documented all my findings here. Feel free to comment as you see fit.

Name: Hamster n. A small Eurasian rodent of the subfamily Cricetinae, especially Mesocricetus auratus, having large cheek pouches and a short tail and often kept as a pet or used in laboratory research.
Name: Tammy n. A small Jewish girl sometimes called (wait for it...) Tamster. Often kept as a pet and definately analyzed in the lab.

Description: The golden hamster’s general coloration above is light reddish brown and beneath is white and creamy.
Description:The Tamster has reddish brown hair and transluscent white skin.

Habits: The hamster is essentially nocturnal in habit though they may be active at times during the day. In the wild they will defend themselves when frightened but when assured that harm does not threaten they become docile.
Habits: The Tamster is up all hours of the night watching TV or reading the paper cover to cover. She does go to work during the day. She has been known to growl at people who call too early in the morning (or afternoon).

Health: They have little or no body odor and are remarkably free from disease.
Health: She smells fresh as a summer day and is in perfect health.

Diet: They appear to be almost omnivorous, eating many kinds of green vegetables, seeds, fruit, and meat.
Diet: She appears to be a carb freak. Preferring goldfish crackers and granola bars to the food pyramid. She does seem to enjoy seeds and fruit.

Hamsters, even those recently captured in the wild, are readily tamed, although they remain remarkably adept at chewing on and escaping from their cages.
Tamster has been known to retreat to her recliner and will not allow anyone else to sit there other than myself and her husband.

Exercise: Hamsters are most active during the dark and enjoy wheel-running activity.
Exercise: The Tamster is definately most active after dark and is in lurve with her treadmill.

Sex: Except for the few hours of estrus occurring once during the 4-day cycle, the sexually unreceptive female will usually attack a recently introduced male. Following copulation, the male is frequently removed from the breeding cage.
Sex: Lalalalaalalalalala...not listening....lalalalalalalaalalalallala

Kids: The female hamster, when excited, is able to conceal her newborn litter in her cheek pouches.
Kids: She must be concealing them, cause the bed’s a rockin’ and no kiddies have been knockin’.

My own research of the hamster reveals that they hold their food in both paws up to their mouth and nibble as if eating a tiny corn on the cob.
Tamster will use both hands to hold one goldfish cracker and the bite size cracker will be consumed in no less than 40 bites.

That concludes my comparison between my sister and a hamster. I hope this information proves to be helpful for those hoping to classify their family in the same fashion.

Soon to come, Mother or Alien?

1 Opinions

Blogger brianna said...

don't tell anyone that i almost peed my pants reading this :)

12:08 AM  

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